Have you ever heard of the "if only" syndrome? Today, I'll tell you what it is and how to avoid it.



Do you know anyone with the "if only" syndrome? Maybe you have a touch of it yourself. People with this syndrome blame others for their disappointments and failures. They blame their families ("Nobody could succeed with the parents I have"); their friends ("If only my so-called friends would come through for me once in a while"); their circumstances ("It's obvious that the deck is stacked against me"); and their complaints frequently start with the words "if only." "If only I had more money. If only I had paid more attention in school. If only I was better looking, a different race, a different age," and so on.


They stumble through life feeling anxious or depressed, dreaming of unlikely events that will transform them magically, through little or no effort of their own. And because they envy others, it's hard for them to feel any genuine pleasure in anyone else's successes.


But the cure for the "if only" syndrome is to take responsibility for your own life once and for all. Give up blame and learn to hope. Give up faultfinding and learn to set achievable goals. Give up thinking about what you would do if you won the lottery and figure out what you can do with the 50 dollars you have instead.


By the way, the magic of taking responsibility for your failures is that when you do, you also take control of your success.


Lou Tice

"If Only's"

Will get you nowhere but stuck looking in your rear view mirror thinking about the past.

The folks that think life dealt them a bad hand need to go and spend a little time helping at a VA Hospital or Food Kitchen.


Good stuff JD,

Thank you.

Do you know what Scotomas are? Everyone has them and they can keep you from seeing the opportunities all around you.


So what, exactly, is a "Scotoma?" It's what doctors call the defect that blocks sight in one part of our visual field. It's also a term I use to describe our occasional failure to see what's right in front of us because we build our own Scotoma, or mental blind spot, to it.


You see for the most part, we see what we expect to see or what we look for, not what is really there. What we expect to see is determined by our beliefs about reality. If we believe the world is a hostile, unfriendly place, we'll see evidence to support that belief everywhere we look. But if we believe people are basically good and that the world is a supportive, friendly place, that's what we'll see and experience.


Now, our beliefs are mostly a matter of how we have been conditioned since birth. But once we become adults, it is possible to become aware of our conditioning, our belief systems, and even our Scotomas.


We can choose to expand our consciousness, remove our blind spots, and adopt beliefs that will help us grow instead of clinging to expectations and attitudes that keep us suspicious and small. By the simple act of making this choice, we actually start the wheels of a better future turning.


And by the daily affirmation of goals that support our commitment, we become top-notch Scotoma Busters, and then we really start to grow!


Lou Tice

Here's a quote I found.

Your Problem is not your Problem.
Your Perception of your Problem is the Problem.

Don't let yourself get trapped in a misery of your own making. Your pain is self-chosen. -Layne StanleyI believe that our happiness is self-chosen as well. Your emotions are not a reaction to your circumstances, environment, etc. You choose your emotional reaction to those factors. I'm not saying if something terrible happens that you can still be a happy-go-lucky person BUT you can choose to shed a tear or two then move forward, rebuild and grow stronger.

Don't let yourself get trapped in a misery of your own making. Your pain is self-chosen. -Layne Stanley


I believe that our happiness is self-chosen as well. Your emotions are not a reaction to your circumstances, environment, etc. You choose your emotional reaction to those factors. I'm not saying if something terrible happens that you can still be a happy-go-lucky person BUT you can choose to shed a tear or two then move forward, rebuild and grow stronger.

if only layne staley had taken his own advice, he might still be alive today.

<-- Always happy..