YYEEEEOOOWWWW...A Helping Hand…Posted 7-1-02
"WHEW"...Slappy been travelin all day to get here, and it sure was a rough one...Slap wanna apologize dat he be wearin only his jockstrap, but maaaaaaaan it has been one tough day, so let Slap fill ya in...
The off-season is very special to Slappy. WHY? Cuz he gets to hang out in da 'garage-majal' with the McSlappmachine and talk stories with her. We will rap about all kindsa stuff, and with da lingering smell of WD-40 in da air, it is almost euofff...ufff...eweff...AAAAAAHHHH, IT IS SLAPPTACIOUS...
Anyways, last night we rapped about all da fun we had with Mother Glamis last year. Stories like--"when the McSlappmachine threw Slap on his mcbutt, and used herself as a battering ram, driving Slappy into da ground." Slappy remember dat one: Slap rolled around gasping for air, and his head turned purple like Mr. Milkvetch. Oh yea, she laughed about dat one for hours (Slappy thinks she was kinda mad cuz he forgot to lube her chain, so she then used Slap as an air-bag...but she denies it to this day).
As we reminisced, Mrs. McDuner was upstairs hard at work; but at what, Slappy don't know. Just as the McSlappmachine began another story, Mrs. McDuner yelled down to Slappy and said, "Slappy, this kitchen floor is damn dirty, so get yo butt up here and give me a hand!" The funny thing is, da kitchen be da least used room in da house, so why da hell is it dirty? However, the McSlappmachine was startin a brand new story, and there was no way Slap wanted to miss this one, so Slappy replied, "Oh sugar-pie, if you look in da hallway closet you will find MR. MOP, he's always willing to lend a helping hand." Slappy was fully prepared for a torque wrench "WAP" after dat comment, but it didn't come...The McSlappmachine continued on with her story.
As darkness fell, Slap headed upstairs to call it a night. And with all da talk of ridin' ripples and blastin bowls, Slap was feelin reeeeaaaaal frisky . And when Slap walked in da front door, WHAT A SUPRISE! Mrs. McDuner had placed spark plugs all over da living room. She also had Barry Manilow spinnin on da vinyl...AND HOT DAMN, there were lit oil candles dat gave off a light scent of Castrol R...OOOOOHHHH SLAP WAS IN HEAVEN! She sure knows how to turn Slappy on. It was so excitin dat Slappy stripped right on down to his "STRAP"...As Slappy did his Slappy dance, Mrs. McDuner handed Slap a bottle of Johnsons baby oil and said, "Meet Mr. Johnsons Slappy, he's always willing to lend a helping hand." She then "booted" Slap out da front door and locked it.
So, as you can see, Slap has been travelin all night and day dodgin da White Coats, endurin mesquito bites, and lookin all 'mcdorktified'. Um...uh..Do anybody got an extra pair of shorts? Oh BTW, who wants some baby oil?