Quitter??? What to do about a quitter. I am so frustrated and needed to vent/get advice.

So after lots of effort and a lot of money my son (8yr) for no apparent reason quits football yesterday. Well after taking him to the practice field for the past 3 days and him refusing to get out of the car. He played ball last year and tried pulling the same thing but pretty much made it thru the season. When I ask him why he wants to quit this year he says “I don’t like football”. BS! Yet he was the one begging to play. What he really means is he doesn’t like to practice that much. After our experience last year I waited 2 weeks and MULTIPLE (read more then 10) times telling him no because of what he pulled last year and being reassured that it wouldn’t happen again before we signed him up. We are now 3 weeks in and he has been having a fun time playing. Watching him on the field you can tell he is having fun, always first to the coach when starting a drill, first to tell the coach he is ready to go next when lining up to hit, doing the drills at full speed, running between drills. If I thought he was quitting because he was scared, or thought he was going to get hurt, we wouldn’t be having this discussion, but that’s not it. I just don’t get it. Now Monday of this week we get to the field and he won’t get out of the car to practice, won’t give a reason why, just the easy answer of “I don’t want to play”. But won’t give a reason why, just the easy cop-out answer. Like I said once he is on the field he has a blast, but getting him out of the car to go down there is where he decides he wants to quit. I don’t want to be the parent that forces their kid to play, but I also don’t want to be that parent that doesn’t make their kid follow thru with their commitments. I am so lost. Like I said we have had this issue before with other sports. He pulled this at baseball, got mad for whatever reason and quit in the middle of a game. Got him to come back and finish the season, but still quit on the team for that game. Pulled the same not getting out of the car for soccer practice. Kid is very athletic, excels at whatever he put effort into, and is always asking to play sports. But when finally gets put on a team and the scheduled practice start (normally 3-4 weeks in) he decides he “Doesn’t want to play anymore” “Doesn’t like (insert sport)”. Like I said I am so frustrated and lost. Don’t know what to do. Make him play (if coach will let him back on the team). Or let him quit again. And if he does quit, what do I do when he asks to play next time? UUggggg I am so frustrated!!!!!


P.S. I apologize for the book, but really needed to vent this morning.

Here is my take on it. I coach football so I can relate to whats going on.I truly believe that he has got to follow thru if you have started a sport and "complete the task"

Realize, Football is a full time commitment. August + 5 days per week....weekend games and all the other cap that goes with it

Do this......... Thake the $375 that you spent and MAKE him pay it back and REQUIRE him to play another sport OR martial art. (I would only do this with football) because as much as I like football, the dta says that the constant hits to the body over time are not good for the kid,......soooo in the spirit of keeping the lesson of NO QUITING,..........put him in judo lets say and make him pay for it. (sell off some things that are of value to him in order to raise the funds)

If he doen't feel the pain of $$$$ going out the window, he wont get the lesson.

You could lso let him quit and use the time he woulda been at practise and games to "work" to pay back the $$$$ that you spent. That would teach a lesson on the value of $$$

My 2 cents

"When a man makes a commitment to team" I would make him finish what he starts regardless of how much you have spent. Its not about the money....its about finishing what you start. just my .02 Is he a Jr Micro? Wonder if we play you guys. my son is a DIV 1 Jr. Micro from Yucaipa maybe well see ya on the field. Regardless good luck withyour son.

Tell him when you commit to something you follow through, or face the consequences which will be to pay back all money and time you spent. He has things he values like x box etc, tell him they are to be sold to reinburse you. Next time he wants to play a sport tell him you have learned and unless he pays his own way he will not play.

Damn that is surprising to hear. D is a big kid and very athletic, I thought football was his game.

I don't have an answer for ya...you don't want to be 'that guy' who pushes his kids into activities that he wants them to do. But you DONT want to encourage this type of behavior by condoning it. Not sure what I would do......

Good luck bro, call if you need to vent more!

Wow, really hits home for me. I grew up the son of a football coach. I was taught the importance of teamwork,commitment,etc. I divorced when my son was a couple years old. When it came time to play sports, he did the same thing. I would get so pissed at my Ex because she allowed it. My son is now 21 and to this day he regrets that he didn't play sports in school.

I think the biggest lesson though is that if you allow him to quit, it teaches him that he can walk out on anything. It sounds as if a pattern has developed that when he gets bored with it, he just feels it's ok to walk away. Make him tough it out. It's not about the money, it's about the lesson of finishing what you started.

Good luck with this.

At his age, I think the money isn't important, but really the lesson of the commitment. I'd tell him that he doesn't have to play next year, but we'd had many discussions that he'd play this year, and he'd already made that decision, and commitment to play. I'd tell him he's going to every practice and every game, and I'd expect him to give 100% the whole time. He needs to learn that decisions have consequences and that you have to live with them.

I wouldn't feel like I was "making" my son play sports as he'd have the option to not play next year. Yes he's young, but I'd be willing to make this stand because it appears a pattern is setting in, and I'd want to squash that now, while it's much easier than it will be later.

But, in all of this, only you really know your son, so you will know best what to do, regardless of what others may think. Follow your gut "dad" feelings.

I agree with Beachhead with the following exception; You're not going to be able to make him give 100% on the field but you can make him attend.
Participation will be his option but for the balance of the season, he will be there.
Sit on the sidelines or join in and have some fun, his call.

Commitment.

Thanks for the advice everyone.





This is what exactly how I feel about it. HE made the commitment, he needs to follow thru, but how do I make that happen? As for making him pay us back for the money, well his motorcycle is for sale right now (He thinks it was sold Monday night after his first I quit moment). I told him if he made it through the season I would buy him another one. If he didn't make it through the season then he would get to watch his brother ride this year. Didn't faze him. Very stubburn kid. We have taken every toy out of his room for other things and it didn't faze him then either, just thanked us for cleaning his room.

As for making him do work around the house to pay us back. When he didn't go to practice on Monday he spent that time in the back yard pulling weeds. Did that faze him? nope, went to take him to practice yesterday he said "I thought I was going home to pull weeds". Don't think it fazed him.

As for making him finish out the season. How do you do that when your 8yr odl refuses to suit up and refuses to get out of the car? Do you drag him down to the field and become "that" parent?

Anyone have a cattle prod I can borrow for a while.

I'm with "making" him finish...
You wouldn't be that dad who pushed his kid to do sports, you would be that dad who makes his kid do what he promised.
My daughter pulled that crap in soccer and karate.. I was pretty harsh with her.. Sometimes you have to break them down a little to get them to see they were wrong.
I do wonder.. Is he an outcast? Has he always been one of the better ones on the team?
I had a prima donna complex as a kid.. I thought the team needed me more than I needed them..

Funny you say cattle prod... My Dad used one on me as a kid...

After reading your last remarks, I also wonder if he is dealing with anxiety.. Is he a nervous kid?
When a kid would rather pull weeds, etcc than get out and play, you have to wonder why...
My daughter dealt with that a bit and she would do that very same thing.. Nothing would phase her as long as she didn't have to go..

Seems he is real stubborn, tell him that you made a commitment to the team also, drag him down there to practice and games and make him sit there and watch with you. IF nothing else you guys will get some time together and maybe he will come around, might be too late for this yr but next what he wants he will have to earn.

I think what these recreational organized sports teams, coaches, and parents are asking of these kids are ridiculous IMHO.
I have heard of a coach telling his 8 year old daughter if she doesn't strike out this batter, she's going to be the reason they lose the entire game.

What sport does he like?
If he hates football...no sense forcing him to play.
As a kid I played soccer, little league baseball then in Jr high, Football (I was just on the team, never really played )
My Friends and I got really into skateboarding. My parents were very supportive and decided to let me build a ramp. I was so stoked.
They said if I designed it and built it, they were behind me 100% and even fronted the money.
I drew up plans, had to get a building permit from the city and had my friends help me build it. Mind you I was in 9th grade.
Taught me a great lesson, To follow through with the project, I had to design it and build it. All my friends got to enjoy it to.
A few years later I tore it down and built it bigger. I paid for that 100% since I was working.

Basically, my parents new I wasn't into school sports, but supported me in a sport I loved to do. Met a lot of cool people and taught me a great lesson which helped me out in the real world, since now I design stuff...only now I get to watch it be built.


Good luck with your son. I hope it all works out.

db

Everyone is right on imho............Committment.

But if he doesn't want to play, tell him the team needs cheerleaders and waterboys also................I would think peer pressure might be the answer.

There is certainly a pattern to his madness, maybe team sports isn't his call?? But in the end, he is only 8yrs old, don't lose sight of that, easy to do as a parent. Make him read books about football and sports if he doesn't want to play. There are some good kids books on sports by Mike Lupiaca, both of my boys read them and like them. I am a firm believer of activities outside of school work, I have told my kids from day one, in High School you need to be involved in something, I don't care if it is Sports, Drama, ASB, or......................but it needs with his schoolmates.

Good luck, I don't think there is an easy answer on this, he is going to challenge you.

when he doesnt get out of the car, what do you do? Sit there with him? What does he do if you get out and go over to the field and help out with the team? Shame is a powerful tool!

Some people are total idiots that includes parents and coaches. the mentality you speak of goes on in all aspects of life (not just sports)

That is the reason there are different levels of sports: some competitive and some not. The sports like soccer, baseballand football are VERY competitive at some levels. Football in particular is Very demanding in conditioning and intensity / You have to push hard otherwie the players can get hurt if they are not ready.

Many of the kids don't know the difference between an owie and a injury somtimes.

Its a difficult balance and I believe its the responsibilty of coaches and parents to support the player BUT NOT baby them.

Legit –
No he is doesn’t have anxiety…. Nervous, this one maybe just a tiny bit. But not really. But that is why I switched him teams this year. He knows a couple kids from school (one kid REALLY well) on this team. And one of the coaches used to watch my younger son so we know them really well. So I figured this would help with any of that if there was any.

As for being the super star on the team. No he isn’t the best on the team, probably middle of the road maybe a touch higher than middle. Plus he was progressing this year. Hitting a lot harder than last year.

Yeah I think I may do the still take him to every practice thing. Tough part with that one is it is a major PITA for me to pick him up and get him there by the time it starts. And since everyone else has pretty much checked out on this (just from plain frustration, anger and disappointment) I would have to be the one to do it. But I guess that may just be what I have to do.


Now for the MOST frustrating part. We turned his pads in yesterday because it was his 3rd missed practice yesterday. The coach had a little talk with him and I don’t know what or if something changed in his head but we get home later that night and he tells me, “Dad when coach calls I am going to tell him I want to play again” FUGGGGGG!!!! But what makes me think I am not just going to have a screaming kid in the car again next week?

This is a tough one but for me it goes back to the saying, ya finish what ya start. Hope he makes the right choice to do just that.

My 13 year old has been counting the days until he could play P.W. We told him he could play at 12 which was last year but he earned a spot on a signature soccer team and he chose to go that route. This year he said, I will play football. Great! Hes an older lighter on a Jr Midget team that has gone win less in two years. Things have been going good so far, but last night at practice he took all of 5 snaps at tight end.

When I coached my oldest sons team, we never let kids stand out for more than a couple of plays during practice. We always rotated em in. Inside i was just pissed to watch as he stood there shaking his head. But I told him afterwards, you're a first year player, and its gonna take some time to get things down. If you only get 5 snaps in practice, then make sure you do your job. When it comes time for tackling and blocking drills, knock the effin dogshit out of your opponent.

Hope everything works out D and he sticks with it.

Chris

Wow this really hits home .....we to are in our third week of practice i have a 12 year old and a 8 year old j-1 and bantams they both are very good in basket ball , and base ball ...the first day of hell week my 8 year was walking to the car after practice and had tears in his eyes and ask me can I quit ... I said nope you have to stick it out if you quit this you may quit school ,you're job, and possible you're wife and kids later in life ...he really like materialistic things that our family has so I used an example Daddy hates getting up at 4am and some times working 3 to 4 weeks straight with no days off...I could just quit and it would make my life alot easier but then we wouldn't have a pot to piss in...is that what you want ? you have to stay committed to any thing you do good bad or other ...hes starting to like it a little bit more they had him at running back the other day and in drills he scored 4 touchdowns ....I think he was running scared though.....Ive learned alredy that you cant live thru youre children but I will be dammed if there going to sit around the house and play x- box all F*%King day.....

its all about commitment.

I had a thread on here last year talking about how bad our team was and how bad our coaches were. My wife wanted my son to quit, which got into his head that he wanted to quit. We had ALOT of heated fights over this and my refusal to letting him quit. She just didn't get it, and neither did grandma, but me and papa were on the same page.

Quitting gives them the thinking or rational that when the times get tough, I can just quit. My kid was only 9-10 at the time, but we had alot of heart to hearts over it, what if you are in the military, think you can quit when its to tough? what if you were in a bad situation or life threating issue with your little sister or me or mom, if it was tough would you just quit?

I never liked sports as a kid, other than soccer, but bmx was my deal, I loved to freestyle back in the 80's. I spent hours upon hours on my bike, by myself, just riding, jumping, doing tricks etc.

This year my son is on a new team, his decision to leave the old one, not mine. I told him if YOU are going to play You pick where you'd like to go, but this is your decision and YOU live with the consequences good or bad, winning or losing. I could care less if he played anything, like I said I hate sports, except when he plays. I'm tough and critical of him at times, just like most probably are. I told him this year being on a new team, he has alot to prove, and as long as he can say to himself that he gave 110% that's all I care about, not if he won a single game.

Being on a new team is tough, even though mine knew a kid or 2, its not the same.

Good luck to you and I know exactly how your feel, sometimes I think, this is effin 10 year old football, why do I get so wound up over it. Just trying to teach him right from wrong, hard work etc. cause you never know when you won't be around any longer to guide them, and I hope he has enough smarts and dedication to keep going long after I'm gone.

It almost sounds as if the kid is testing you and your wife and your level of commitment to do what you say you are going to do. You say you threatend him with selling his dirt bike. Have you actually followed through on your end. Remember, kids are testing you everyday. If you say you are going to do something and then don't follow through, they pick up on that quick.

dbart –
He likes baseball, soccer & football. Well he says he does until he gets signed up and starts playing them with a team. (mainly the practices).

Alxcook -
I am not losing sight of his age, but I am worried that he is also at the age where trends/patterns start to form.

That is cool your parents supported you like that. I hope that I can do the same with my boys. I am trying to support them with everything they do but if I support you, you have to follow thru.

Mellen mpz –
Last year we would just leave him in the car and I would go to the field, He would just sit in the car (for 1-1/2 one time). So I don’t think just leaving him in the car this year would do much.

Supreme Air –
Year this is the part that has me baffled. He is always happy and go luck talking about the cool things he just did in practice when we are walking to the car after practice. The whole problem is getting him dressed and down to the field. Yeah I think this is another part he needs knock out of his head. The whole point of he doesn’t understand how good he has it, and how hard his mom and I work to provide all the things he has. Someone suggest a couple of days at a serving at a shelter or something would do him good. Think I am going to be looking into this.
Good luck with your boy. I hope he continues to make strides.

Buncha kick ass Dads up in this Thread

Theme you keep hearing...."Commitment".




Carry on.

Here was my solution...

"Ok...then I guess you have lots of time now to study, do extra school work, house chores, ect..."

My daughter played hardball...I ended up with a clean house that stays clean...



My kids know not to say the phrase..."I'm bored" around me. That gets them an express pass to wash walls, scrub the tile floor, cut the grass with a pair of scissors...

supreme I think that he is just another 8 year old kid, seems like they all do that lol, but that x-box just pisses me off to no end. They get used to setting in front of black ops for hours on end during the day in the nice cold a/c and don't get out much like we used to when we were kids, damn I sound like my dad.

I started a small lawn business this summer, and made him go with me every Friday nite, Saturday morning at 7am,etc. to help me, he got paid a little money (since he did the riding only), but it was fun to see him get paid and him thinking damn I got some cash now!

We get to Northern Tools for a grand opening one saturday and he wanted this stupid ink pen, flashlite POS and I refused to buy it for him, so at the checkout I give him his pay for the day and said here you go, YOU earned it you can spend it on whatever you want, as long as you work for it, I'll never say anything, buy what you want, and walked out the door. So I'm waiting outside and he comes out smiling like he just bought a new caddy, and gets in the truck and I said where's this fancy pen you wanted, and he said Dad you were right, it was probably just a piece of junk, I think I'll save my money.

He saved up and in 3-4 weeks was able to buy himself some new speed skates from the skating rink. He called me from grandma's phone at the rink one day and said dad I'd like to buy these skates, i got enough money, and I told him dude you earned it, spend it on whatever you want, you know how hard I/we work on these yards, you deserve it. So he got them, and was so proud of them......damn things cost 165.00, but he earned it, lol.

Hell now that I think about it, he probably made more than I did, lmfao

Practice is work, but with the work comes the reward. Can't expect to play without it.
Valuable lesson.

When, if the coach calls for him to play????? Not sure about that one. If he does call....maybe you say no!
Or maybe he practices but doesn't get put in the games right away...make him earn it.

Tough one!

THAT would do most ALL kids some good, I keep wanting to do that at Christmas but seems like we never have the time, I need to make time to do it.

So he already did this at baseball, and at soccer, and now he's doing it at football? At this point, it's a pattern of behavior in my opinion. I don't think you can force someone to do something. I was a lot like your son as a kid. If my parents tried to make me do something, I would resist it no matter what.

It didn't matter what punishment they gave me, I just flat out didn't care. Pick weeds, blow the lawn, mow the grass, clean the house, take away my allowance, make me do pushups, ground me, I didn't give a darn. When I got it in my head that was how it was going to be. The reason I was like that is that I felt I wasn't treated as a person whose opinion mattered. I felt like I was just being talked down to and told what to do, like my input didn't matter at all.

I think as parents we forget sometimes that our kids deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect and consideration for their feelings and opinions and input as we give other adults.

At the school my daughter is going to, they have a saying: logical choices lead to logical consequences. Good choices lead to good rewards, bad choices lead to consequences that match the bad choice that was made. For kids a lot of time the consequence is artificial and driven by the parent.

I agree with what someone said earlier. At this point I don't think you can make him do it. I would make him pay you back whatever you have put into the sport (because he promised he would do it, so backing out means it's his responsibility to make you whole), and the next time he wants to pursue an activity tell him it has to be on his dime because he's shown you that you can't take him at his word.

Now if you can get an honest answer out of him as to why he doesn't want to play anymore, than may change things depending on what his answer is, but you're not going to get an answer out of him that's meaningful when you're making him do something he doesn't want to do, because all he will do is resent you in my opinion.

I think Jim has hit on something here. At a very early age, children test their parent's dominance and resolve. In extreme cases, we see them on a daytime talk show telling their parents off.

I think there are several issues at play here, and money is the least of them.

1. There is the commitment issue. While we all like to say that a man finishes what he starts and so and so is a standup guy, since the divorce rate in this country is well over 50% (and that's with a very stiff financial penalty) and the huge numbers of absentee and deadbeat dads, it's more of a concept than a reality. Sure you want to instill a sense of commitment in him, but you also want him to have a backbone, and apparently he's displaying that by not getting out of the car, despite whatever you've been saying or doing to him. I do agree that commitment is important, but there are so many examples of people walking out on everything all over the news that it would be nearly impossible to sell that concept to me right now if I were an 8 yr old. At 8, I was correcting my stepfather's horrendous grammar at the dinner table. I was also getting put on restriction for it.

2. Threats vs follow through. Parents run the gamut from my next door neighbors who merely yelled at their kids for filling up the interior of their Honda Accord with water from the garden hose, to my mom, who would pass out 2 weeks of restriction for not answering with "yes ma'am." "Why?" would also get 2 weeks added to the restriction. She always followed through and never reversed her decision. You mentioned you cleaned out his room. Perhaps you should have made him remove all of his toys. My parents never did anything for me, they made me do it all for myself, including punishment. Pack up all of the stereo equipment and move it to the garage, chain my bike up to the pole in the back yard, etc. They forced me to do it, which reinforced their dominance in the household. Same concept with dog trainers telling owners never to clean dog mess in front of the dog. The dog is to never see you cleaning up his mess. The only time I ever got a ride anywhere in the car was when we went to dinner, grocery shopping or to the hospital. I rode my bike or skateboard to school, practice, everywhere. None of this is directed at you, just a general observation about parents these days. I see very few kids walking to school, most of them are getting chauffeured everywhere, which is a big start to that whole entitlement philosophy that everybody likes to bitch about so much. Just food for thought about not only what kinds of punishment to use, but how to administer it.

3. Reasoning. Make him give you a reason for quitting, and grade him on his logic and debate skills. He obviously has a strong enough backbone to defy you in the car and he thinks whatever repercussions will be worth it. Either he has a really strong reason for not wanting to attend practice, or he really doesn't fear any repercussions. However you look at it, you'll either find out the real reason he doesn't want to go (which might give you a chance to reason him back into it) or at the very least you might give him some foundation for logical thought vs irrational, emotional behavior, which I think is what leads to liberals. A much more serious problem in this country than quitters. Quitters didn't ruin this country by voting Obama in, libertards did.
When parents just blindly throw up their hands and say, "Fine!" the kid has won. Making kids stand in the corner with both arms out perfectly horizontal was a great motivational tool to get kids to open up and quit being stubborn 40 yrs ago. Kids haven't changed, but how parents treat them sure has.

4. Money. You can make him pay you back with allowance money or $1/hr labor, but you already said it didn't faze him. He hasn't done 375 hours of hand washing cars, a truck, a moho, trimming bushes, pulling weeds, etc etc. Maybe his tune will change by the end of 375 hours of missed playtime. I remember the most powerful force behind getting punished by my parents wasn't about getting punished, it was how extreme the punishment was in relation to the minor infraction and the fact that they always followed through and never reversed their decision.


Anyway, good luck, let us know what you decide and how it works out!

This is with everything, not just team sports. I have seen this attitude at MC tracks, School, and even wakeboarding. A lot of Parents these days are so caught up with living thru their kids and need to show other parents that their kids are better than yours. We all want our kids to succeed and be the best, but in the end it is about learning how to be better, having fun, and enjoying the virtues of winning and losing. Kids need to learn how to lose to become better winners.

As in the "recreational organized sports teams, coaches, and parents", remember you are dealing with Volunteers from all walks of life. Leagues sometimes have to put up with over-zealous Coaches due to having more kids that want to play than Parents that want to volunteer. I have been heavily involved in Youth Rec sports for along time now, getting volunteers to help is getting harder and harder. There will be a day in the future that all these sports will be a club type sport, no more volunteer coaches. If you want your kid to play in a team sport (AYSO, Football, Little League), you will have to pay for coaches and such. People are either too busy to volunteer, or rather not be involved in their kids learning (you see it at the school level also), and other reason. Sorry for the ramble..................

If he doesn't want to play, he can still be part of the team. Someone suggested water boy or cheerleader. Dragging him out of the car and having him serve drinks to his teammates during practice could be very humiliating but it would keep him from walking away from the team. Since he has decided to go back, let him know that if he quits again, he will be the team water boy and you will be there every practice and game making sure he serves his teammates with a smile.

that's a great idea!

lots of good discussion on this thread.

I don't think you need a fancy solution other than not letting him quit. This is gonna be a huge teachable moment in his life that will help him for years to come.

8 year olds don't have an opinion or choice until you give them one.
*Disclaimer* Coming from a guy who doesn't have kids. (But I was one once...)

I agree with this, as well as the commitment issue. Then there's always the other kids that are out there because they want to be, and want to play, and most likley would like to win. What good would forcing your son to play do for the team?

But you still act like a kid and Mrs Bouy never let's you quit.

Well, I quit getting glitter on me about 15 years ago...

Gotta say, I disagree with making a punishment that is dispraportinate to the infraction. I don't think 375 hours of work is fair for deciding to quit a sport. That seems totally excessive to me.

I also disagree with the idea of trying to make him do something that would humiliate him in an attempt to 'shame' him into going back on the team like being a waterboy.

I disagree with these things for two reasons. First, it is not like real life. The main thing I see here is not that he committed to do something. If I decide I don't like something after buying it, I'm just out the money. I see this more as a buyer's remorse situation than a failed commitment problem. Perhpas because I'm younger, perhaps because I didn't play team sports, but I don't think that choosing to play a team sport equates to a commitment throughout the entire year no matter what.

Second, what if he feels like he isn't good enough and doesn't want to be emberrassed when people see him play? What if he feels like it's too phsyically demanding but doesn't want to come across as a wimp? What if someone is harrassing him but you don't know about it? Lots of reasons he may not want to be playing that are perfectly valid.

I virtually guarantee if you make him do 375 hours of work or humiliate him in front of his peers, that is not going to encourage him to talk to you about his motivations or his feelings, I think it's just going to make him resent you. My dad did that crap to me, it was just "do what I say no matter what because that's the way it is and too bad for you", and I hated him for it for most of my high school and college life. You have to try and see it from your son's point of view too.

I'm not saying don't do anything, I just think the consequence should have some proportional relationship to the thing that he did that you feel is wrong.

<------Some people could have used a dad like that...

I had a dad like that and as I got older and had kids, I appreciate what my dad did for me. Part of the problem with kids today is parents are more worried about being their kids friend than being a parent and role model.

I guess it depends a lot on the kid's personality what parenting style works, because that hard ass parenting style did nothing for me but make me rebellious. As soon as he backed off and started listening to my input and considering my opinion, we got along great and things settled down a lot. I went from wanting to drop out of high school, qutting every activity I ever cared about, and doing a whole lot of bad things I won't get into to having a 4.0 GPA my final year high school, getting a BS in computer science and a minor in computaitonal math, and making near a six figure salary at 26 years old. I attribute a large part of that to the fact that my father finally backed off and realized he needed to treat me as a person, not a project he was trying to build perfectly and could manipulate to do what he wanted. Everyone has character flaws, and I think as parents sometimes it goes a long way to show your kids that you do not expect everything of them and sometimes they are going to make mistakes.

I'm a firm believer in the fact that parents aren't their kid's friends. I will always be my daughter's mentor, teacher, and role model before I'm her friend. It's not one or the other. You can respect your kid's opinion and value their input while giving them the ability to make their own decisions without being their friend.

My dad wasn't quite that bad, he would communicate with me and at times we could compromise on our differences. I never felt like a project and never felt manipulated. If anything, I tried to manipulate him but it never worked.