Ya know, sometimes things get a little strange, and you just can’t figure out why. There are days when you could swear that people are working together to freak you out. Well, Slappy had one of them days just a short time ago.

It was late morning, and Slappy just couldn’t wait to get out of the house. For one, Slappy was gonna get hisself a new pair of goggles today. And two, anytime Slap gets away from Mrs. McDuner at this time of year be a plus. But Slappy did have to make some stops on the way. As Slappy left da house, Johnny, Slap’s neighbor, yelled from across the street, “Hey Slappy, where are you off to today?”

“Slappy be on a schedule Johnny, and he ain’t got no time to chat right now, sorry.”

“No problem Slap,” Johnny said, “Make hey while the sun shines.”

First stop was 7-11, the best darned store in America. Abdule was standing at the counter when Slap dropped in, “Hi there Abdule, how are things with you?”

“Helllllo there Slappy, things be good with Abdule (quick note, Abdule was strange, cuz he always talks in third person). Are you in need of Abdules finest Columbian Blend, yes?”

“Oh yes, that would be great Abdule.”

“Ay Slappy,” said Abdule, “Abdule wants to know how site coming along?”

“Not bad Abdule, but Slap sure wish more people were attracted to it.”

“You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar Slappy, always remember Abdule told you that.”

Slappy grabbed a cup of Abdules finest, and out da door he went.

Now it was time to see Dr. Speckles. Slappy sure love the Doc, cuz he’s always got a smile for Slappy. “Hi there Slappy,” said Dr. Speckles, “How’s that big red, itchy, puss-filled bump that you’ve been so worried about?”

“Mrs. McDuner’s doing ok Doc, but now that Mother Glamis season is coming to an end, she’s been getting more and more mcsnippitty on da Slapster. Slappy don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t you worry Slappy”, said Dr. Speckles, “I’ve got some wonderful new blue and pink pills just for you. In no time at all, you will be feeling all googly inside. Now remember, an apple a day keeps Dr. Speckles away.”

Right then it hit da Slapster, what da hell was goin on? People seem to be talking in tongues or something. Slappy be eatin apples all da time, and he always gotta see Dr. Speckles. And come to think of it, what is Slappy gonna do with a whole bunch of flies and honey? Slap sure as hell ain’t goin fly-fishin . And another thing, why would Slappy go out and make hey when da sun be shinin? HMMM, Slappy thinkin he be in da twilight zone.

No matter, it was now off to the local motorcycle dealer, Slappys 2nd favorite place in the whole world. As Slap strolled through the showroom floor checkin out all the new bikes, Stubby the salesman yelled from across the room, “Isn’t it about time for a new bike Slappy? There’s no time like the present.”

Oh no, not again. This was far too strange for Slappy.

“Well Stubby, the McSlappmachine be real jealous, and Mrs. McDuner has been meaner than MilkZilla lately, so it wouldn’t be a good time.”

“Oh come on Slappy”, continued Stubby, “Your just in time for our end of the season sale that started today, and you know, the early bird gets the worm.”

Now let Slappy tell you this. There be times when you just wanna scream, and at this very moment, Slappy was about to let it rip. As a matter of fact, Slap was expectin Rod Serling to come poppin in at any time now. But of course, Slap controlled hisself just in time to get away from Stubby and go look for some new goggles.

As Slap placed his goggles on da counter, Tracy the checkout girl said, “Hi Slap, how are things with you today?”

“Things be way strange Tracy. Slap could swear that people are trying to freak him out. Maybe it’s because Slappy misses Mother Glamis so much Tracy, Slappy really don’t know.”

“Well Slap”, said Tracy, “Absence does makes the heart grow fonder”.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW”. Slap grabbed his goggles and ran out da door headin for home. This has got to quit right now, or Slap’s gonna go nutsmcflappizoid for sure.

Home sweet home, finally. As Slap walked in the front door, Sponge was waiting enthusiastically. “Hi there Sponge, Slappy is sure glad to see you.” Slap had a plan for the rest of the day; grab a cold one, plop down on the couch, and fade away. Just as Slap closed his eyes, the piercing voice of Mrs. McDuner broke the silence, “Slappy, where the hell have you been? You’ve been gone almost all day! Get off your butt and take out the trash. And while you’re at it, mow the lawn…and don’t forget to pick up Sponges crap that’s all over the yard.” Slap looked at Sponge, let out a deep sigh and said, “The Devil finds work for idle hands.”

Ya Slappy. Things are more like they are now, than ever before.

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One in the sand is worth two in the bush

yeah, I rather do it in the sand than in the bushes!

but..... I'd rather do a bush, than the sand...

and you know what they say...it's not who you know it's who you...oh nevermind

"The more things change, the more they stay the same." Good stuff, Slap! That big, red, itchy, pus filled bump thing seems to be going around. I've got one, too!

Hey Slapp I got the perfect cure...Aces over eight's at the TAJ...oops wrong page ,ok here it is midnight bowl rides with no one out.... Osbourne remember Osbourne.

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YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT!!!

Hey Slap...

"When in doubt, gas it!"

Hey,
"It's all good!"

Vor

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May the Dune Gods Smile Upon You
ShiftingDunes.com

go with the flow Slap

Hot darn what a day that was Robbie, Slap was in the twilight zone for sure. But it sure is nice to get away from all them cliche's, cuz it was drivin Slap nutsmcflappizoid. But all Slap can think of is Mother G lately Robbie, and it is makin Slap's head hurt cuz he ain't seen her in awhile. But heck, patience is a virtue...OOOOOOHHHH NOOOOOOOOO, SLAPPY GOTTA GIT, SLAPPY IS GONE...