THIS BE...SLAPPY STYLE
IT HAD TO BE A DREAM
Making it through those off-season blues
Ya know what, these dog days of summer always bring Slappy down. It be real tough getting through these off-season blues. The main reason is dat Slappy miss Mother Glamis terribly. But, another reason Slappy got them off-season blues is Mrs. McDuner (dat be Slappy’s wife), she just got no patience with Slappy…for one, she got a million things on her ‘Slappy-do’ list, and Slappy just ain’t got time for it all. She be drivin da Slapster crazy! Slappy do da laundry, Slappy do da windows, Slappy scrub da toilets (Slappy really hate that, especially when Slap scrub Mrs. McDuners toilet; he always gotta light a candle, whew!) Anyway, Slappy even gotta wash da dishes too. Yep, them off-season blues always bring da Slapster down. As a matter of fact, a strange thing happened to da Slapster just the other night when he was performin one of his domestic chores.
After dinner the other night, Slappy started cleanin da dishes. Mrs. Mcduner walked in and decided to strike up a conversation with Slappy, which was strange cuz she never steps one foot in da kitchen. Hell, Slappy don’t even think she know where da kitchen is. “You never take me anywhere Slappy,” she said, “All you care about is Mother Glamis and your McSlappmachine. I want to be adventurous. I want to meet new people, people that are fun and creative. Doesn’t that sound like fun Slappy?” Well, Slappy thought for a second and said, “Sure it does sweetheart. As a matter of fact, Slappy gonna introduce you to a fun and creative person right now…her name be Betty Crocker, she be real creative”. Now, Slappy just meant dat as a joke, but Mrs. McDuner did not take it dat way. Her eyes narrowed and her face morphed into what looked like ‘godzilla’. Before Slappy could even react, she reached out and grabbed an empty pot that sat on da stove. Lookin like Obie-Wan-Kenobie, she gracefully moved it high into da air and…‘DOINK’, right on top of Slappy’s noggin, ‘OUCH’. Everything went black.
Here’s where it gets really weird. As Slappy opened his eyes, he realized that he wasn’t at home anymore. To Slappy’s surprise, he was now in Mother Glamis sittin atop da highest peak and overlookin da largest bowl in her wondrous dunes. The sun glistened, highlighting all her virgin ripples that covered her beautimus golden sand dunes. Everywhere Slappy looked he saw his friends: Mr. Algodones Dunes Sunflower, Mr. Peirson’s Milkvetch, and…and…hot darn, even Mr. Great Horned Owl was here. Slappy got so darn excited dat he started itchin all over, Slappy hate when dat happens. In the blink of an eye the McSlappmachine appeared outta nowhere with her engine runnin. But before Slappy could do anything, Mr. Red Tail Hawk floated outta da sky and landed on the McSlappmachine, “Hi there Slappy”, he said, “Are you ready to go rip some bowls with me?” OOOHHHHH Slappy gotta dance, “Of course Mr. Red, just lead da way”. Slappy jumped on da McSlappmachine and followed Mr. Red Tail on a blowlblastin, ripple tastin, ridge runnin ride. Mr. Red sure knows how to float across them dunes. And of course, Slappy was singin his tune, “NOBODY DUNE LIKE SLAPPY DUNE”. It was downright ‘slapptacious’! Could it get any better? Mr. Red Tail led Slappy all the way to da closure signs where there stood thousands and thousands of Sierra Club members. NO WAY! “Hey Mr. Red, what da heck are they doing here?” They were holding up signs that read ‘WELCOME HOME SLAPPY. THE CLOSURE SIGNS ARE DOWN, LETS GO FOR A RIDE’. As we pulled up, all of the Sierra Club members quickly jumped on their dune machines and followed Mr. Red Tail and Slappy through what used to be da closed area. This was turning out to be da happiest day in Slappy’s life.
Slappy gotta tell ya, it seemed like we rode for hours and hours, visiting all da major hills from Oldsmobile to Patton Valley, viewin all of Mother Glamis’ beauty on the way. We even stopped in at da plane crash site, and Mr. Red Tail led da whole way. He sure gotta good view from above. But, as da sun began to set, Slappy had to wonder to hisself, “Where will this ride end?” At the snap of a finger, Slappy found hisself standin at the door entrance of Boardmanville, Mother Glamis’ very own ‘Cheers’, a place where everybody be knowin your name. “Come on in Slappy”, a Sierra Club member said, “Drinks are on us.” WOW, this was turning out to be da perfect day. Not only did Slappy see all his wonderful friends dat live in Mother Glamis, he also made friends wit thousands of Sierra Club members. But best of all, da closure signs came down, MOTHER GLAMIS WAS FREE!
The drinks were cold and the laughs were loud, everybody was havin an absolute ‘slappified’ time. But ya know what, there was something missin, but Slap just couldn’t pinpoint it. And that’s when Barry Manilow appeared in da corner of da bar and began singing ‘Mandy’. Slappy almost shed a tear of happiness. All was now perfect. As Barry finished his song, he stood up and raised his glass of champagne in a toast to da Slapster, “Slappy, I write the songs that make the whole world dune, but it is time for you to wake up now!” WHAT? Slappy didn’t understand, what was Barry talking about…and that’s when it hit da Slapster…Barry threw his drink right into Slappy’s face…’SPLASH’. Slappy’s eyes began stingin wit pain, and Slappy had ta fall to da ground. What da heck was Barry doing? When Slappy opened his eyes, he found hisself lyin flat on his back looking straight up at Mrs. McDuner. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH! She was standing above Slappy holding an empty pot, that just a second ago, was full of dirty, soapy dish water. “Get up Slappy” she said, “You’ve slept long enough, now it’s time to get these dishes cleaned.” OOOHHHHH NOOOOO! Slappy couldn’t believe it, it was all a dream. The Slapster woke up into a nightmare…a nightmare called da off-season blues.
[This message has been edited by Slappy (edited 09-13-2001).]
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)