NOW BEFORE YOU READ THIS STORY, SLAPPY GOTTA SAY: SLAPPY DO NOT CONDONE THIS ACTION, IT IS ONLY A STORY...DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REPLICATE THESE ACTIONS...BUT DAMN IT IS FUNNY!

You know what Slappy love to do (besides stretching celephane wrap across Mrs. McDuners toilet bowl in the middle of the night)? Slappy love to help people when they ask for it. The other day Slappy's neighbor, Johnny, strolled up into Slappy's garage as Slap was shinin up the McSlappmachines shoes.
"Hey Slappy" he said, "I know that nobody dune like Slappy dune, so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking my brand new quad down to Mother Glamis and test it for me?"
Slappy don't want to let him down and say no, so da Slapster said, "Sure, but what would you like Slappy to test for Johnny".
"Well Slappy, I would like your expert opinion on how it fly's through the air, how it handles the whoops, and how the suspension responds on really hard landings. And don't worry if you crash it, I'm sure it can handle it. Just give it the full blown Slappy Review" he said. This made Slappy real curious.
"Johnny, Slappy sure don't want to hurt your new bike. Are you sure you want the McSlappview Review?"
Johnny just laughed out loud at Slap and said, "There ain't no way your going to hurt this bike Slappy, and I even dare you to try." OOOHHH BOY!

It was a beautimus sunny day when Slappy pulled into Mother G, fully expecting a 'slapptacious' time while testing Johnny's new quad. Slap immediately unloaded the bike, threw on some gear, and fired up the beast.

First Test: WHOOP-DEE-DOOS

The Sand Highway along hwy 78 would provide the perfect spot for this test; hundreds of mogul type whoops.
Slappy sure could feel the power as he pegged the quad down a slope towards a set of huge whoops on Sand highway. Man, Slappy musta been doing at least 50 miles per hour before he jumped off Johnny's bike, letting it hit the whoops for its first test. Slappy gotta say, it handled the first few ok, but by the time it hit the 4th whoop, it nose-dived and went tail-pipe over A-arms nearly 7 times. Plastic flew everywhere! Slappy couldn't believe it...The crossbar pad didnt do a thing for the bike, and the brand new suspension did nothing to help it get through the whoops either...Slappy gonna recommend that Johnny soften up the compression and stiffen the rebound, along with buying a different crossbar pad...

First Test Results:
Whoops: F
Handling: D

Second Test: FLIGHT TEST

Slappy had to find hisself a real good jump for da flight test, and who better to ask than Mrs. Fringe Toed Lizard, she be knowin where all the good jumps are. Slappy found her just south of the Glamis store and asked her for the favor, "Hi there Mrs. Fringe" Slappy said, "Where be a good spot to catch some air?"
"Right over yonder Slappy" she said, "I'll come along and be your spotter for ya."
We zipped on over to the spot, and it looked perfect. When Mrs. Fringe gave the "ALL CLEAR TONGUE WAVE", Slappy gassed it and headed towards the jump...3rd...4th...5th gear pegged. Just before the lip, Slap bailed off and watched the quad sail hi into the air..."FFFOOOOOOOMMMMM"...It floated effortlessly, kinda like Mr. Red Tail when he's out on the hunt. It floated straight and true, not leaning one way or the other, a very stable flyer. BUT, the landing was a different story. It hit the ground with a loud "THUD", then bounced like a big red balloon ball (exactly like the ones you used to play with in elementary school), half of the plastic flew all over the place (again), it then tumbled a couple times and came to rest on its side.
"Well Mrs. Fringe, what did you think of the flight test" Slappy asked.
"I think it flew real nice Slappy, but your going to have to deduct some points for the horrible landing" she said.
"Your right Mrs. Fringe, that suspension didn't do too well on this test either."

Flight Test Results:
In Air: A-
Handling/landing: F

Third Test--CRASH TEST

Slappy just can't believe dat Johnny wanted the full blown McSlappview Review. But, dats what he wanted. Slappy was gonna need some room for this one, and the perfect spot would be in da washes. Slappy lined up straight out from train tressle #3 and hit da gas. Slappy pulled the front end up in a wheelie, shifted to 4rth gear, and slipped off the back. Honestly though, these tests were beating Slappy up worse than Mrs. McDuner ever could. Slappy don't think he could do this for a living. Anyways, back to the test. Just as the front end came down, the bike slammed head on into the concrete wall of tressle #3 "KRRRRAAAAAAKKK"! Its forward momentum stopped, but the rear end went flipping over the front in a summersault motion, and straight up into the air...Plastic flew all over the place (again), headlights exploded, A-arms destroyed, and both front tires popped. Man, it sure didn't do well on this test either. But, it did start when Slappy pushed the start button, so it will get points for that. Slappy then picked up ALL the pieces and loaded it up on the trailer and headed for home.

Crash Test Results:
Handling: C-
Reliability: B- (points awarded for engine starting)

Johnny was standing in his driveway as Slappy pulled up to the curb. He was smiling proudly and waiving as he walked up to the trailer. But when Johnny saw the pieces of his quad lying there on the trailer, his expression changed from "HAPPY" to "SORROW". "OH MY GOD SLAPPY" Johnny said, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"
Slappy could tell from Johnny's expressions and reaction that he was disappointed in his quads performance.
"Well Johnny" Slap said, "The OVERALL rating from the McSlappview Review on your quad is a 'flabbermcnastified' D+."
Johnny sank to his knees, placed his head in his hands, and almost started crying. As Slappy patted him on the head, he looked over into Johnny's garage and noticed a very nice Funco Buggy. "Hey Johnny, what do you say we give your Funco the ol McSlappview Review?"

LMAO Slappy!Thanks alot for this excellent story. Remind me if we ever meet that it's not a good idea to let you ride my quad. I don't need plastic going everywhere (Again!)

LOL,dude that was funny,damn yamahockalugee's.hehe.

------------------
Darrin
http://gotdunes.com
i love the smell of wet sand in the morning!

must have been a honda

Hey Slappy, is there a waiting list to have you perform all of the tests, I have a quad I want tested.

Darrin,, errr ahh, I mean Slappy,, good story!!!

Slappy I was going to let you ride the Pimp mobile but now I'm having second thoughts.

Great story by the way, had me rolling....

Damn Slappy, you're brutal! Even us magazine guys don't thrash test bikes "that" bad!

VERY NICE! I WONDER IF YOU AND I ARE RELATED IN SOME WAY?

LMFAO Slap, I swear i've met you. I've loaned you my bike before. Great story dude. Peace

It's been awhile since something I was reading actually made me laugh out loud! Terrific story, but nawwww, not gonna let you test my new ride! I know it's really hard on you!

WOR, those new zuk's are supposed to be pretty fast but I know they won't be reliable lol


great story SLap! keep em comin!

------------------
~Jim

www.GlamisRider.com
For the "GlamisRider"

LMAO Slappy that was just too funny ....

Thanks for da kind words y'all, but you sure you don't want Slap to take any of your rigs out for a quick spin? Slap would love to give you some feedback on what you might need to change...ONE THING FOR SURE, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE DA RIGHT CROSS-BAR PAD

I think I have like an old 100 I'll let ya take hehehe but only if I get to meet ya

------------------
~Jim

www.GlamisRider.com
For the "GlamisRider"

Slap, Whats your training regimen? I think I need to start training like you, because those silver bullets make my banshee mad at me, she's always kicking me off her
backside!

------------------
Tim
-------------------------
"Crank It Till You Break It"

just bought a 250 polaris, automatic. Never ridden one before. Will you test it for me Slap? But like crazyjim, gotta meet ya. Peace

Hello fellow duners and users,mine apologies if mine greeting does not play well with thine mood. I must say Slappy that was very humorous, and very knowledgeable:If thee want thine bike to live,don't let Slappy ride it" or " If thee want to live,let Slappy test it". Thine post hath made me laugh as all of thine words have I am impressed.

dammmm....

great story!!! im glad it got brought back to the top!!!

ROTFLMAOPIMP funny...

Slap, you sure have a way with words....thanks for the smile you put on my face!!

That was funny.

Great story Slappy!!

Have to admit...that was a funny one.

Will remember to keep Slappy away from my Corvairs.

Thanks folks, Slap do appreciate it. Yeah, it was a good time with Ms. Fringe out there on Mother G. She is the best spotter on da planet.

You sure LL?? Slap would love to take it for a ride, give it the ol McSlappview Review.

Suuurrrrreee.....NP....here, let me help you with these here new fangled belts...<cinch, cinch, click,cinch,click>....Now, you have a good ol' time there Slap, an' I'll jes hold onto this here KEY to those there harness locks...keep you good an' tight and INSIDE the rail for the whole ride....look forward to your report.

dont make fun of hondas now, at least mine started right back up again after laying upside down for 30 mins

not to mention, that one time that kid on his 50cc got in my way, it just glided over him, hardly a bump at all, (hehe, jk)

Mr. Slappy, Was the moral of the story to be careful what you ask for?Cause everyone seem to think it was just to not let you test their ride. Testing something to distruction can have its benefits.. but dam

Slap was just doin what johnny wanted, the full blown McSlappview Review...Can't hurt that thing? HMMM, ain't good to test the Slapster with that statement

Yeah, this Johnny is off the dirt bike for awhile. Three months of not walking.

Only able to look at his new SU ls2 for awhile too in the shop.

Good thing the season will wind down a bit in Glamis.

Funny one Slapman.

Slap is sorry to hear that John, heard you was out whippin it on the dirt and the two wheeler took a bite outta ya??? OUCH, you take care, and don't try to come back too fast, we'll watch the hood for ya.

Still love this one Slappy.

Werd.. I just crashed a few weeks ago on my Raptor 700 on the dirt being an idiot hill climb champion (NOT).. crashing is lame.. honestly I only worry about being paralyzed. If I die doing what I love,.. whatever.. but I couldn't hang with the whole C3, no wee-wee work straw deal.. eff* that..

Where are the photos???

abc