Ya know, Slappy love introducing new people to Mother Glamis. Slappy always say, "You ain't lived till you visit Mother G on a moonlit night". Well, Slappy not always say dat; as a matter of fact, he never say dat, dis be da first time, but just stay wit da Slapster on this one. Slappy don't know if you all read his 'Floatin in a Fishbowl' story, but this be along those same lines.

Every time Slappy invites somebody to Mother Glamis, it always turn out like this, "Slappy, I'll go with you to the dunes if you go do such and such with me first." Man, Slappy hate those quig..quig..quig pro crows..or..um..hell, dat thing dat Hannibal said to Clarice. Anyway, not too long ago, Slappy invited his friend, Gary, to da dunes. Slappy know of course that there gotta be a catch; he said he would go with Slappy only if da Slapster try surfin wit him first. … DAMN! O.K.!

Here be another reason why Slappy do only Mother Glamis:

Slappy and Gary show up early at the Diego shores for some, as Gary put it, fun in the sun. Slappy knew it was gonna be a long day. Ya see, Slappy has never ever tried to surf, but be willin to try anything once (especially if its gonna get a new recruit to Mother Glamis). Well, Slappy saw hisself paddlin out into da deep blue, and hopin that there be no sharks looking for a taste of da Slapster; dat always freaks Slappy out knowin there be things in da water that can eat ya . (BTW, when was da last time you worried about a giant worm comin outta Mother G and swallowin you?). After drinkin about a gallon of sea water on the paddle out to the spot, and listenin to Gary's 'surf like a pro' instructions, Slappy was ready to catch a wave. And boy, it was a big one.

A wall of blue came towards da Slapster, and Slappy jump right to his feet. Piece of cake!! OOOHHHH Don Ho ain't got nothing on Slappy (did Don Ho surf?). Anyway, Slappy saw hisself catchin a wave, and right at dat time, da Beach Boys was singin a tune in Slappy's ear, "Catch a wave and your sittin on top a da world ." Dat was very short lived may Slappy add. Right at that moment, the nose of the surfboard decides to nose dive, sending da Slapster '(_|_)-over-tea-kettle' into da water. No problem, right? Well, wit every action there be a McSnapplish re-action. When da board nose dived, it sprung back outta da water straight into da air. What goes up must come down! Yep, it came down right on top of da Slapsters noggin, DOING! Slappy saw stars. And no, these stars were not out at Mother Glamis, these stars was in Slappy's head. MAN DID DAT HURT! To add insult to injury, Mother Ocean grabbed da Slapster and pulled him under, shook him senseless, turned him upside down, sent water down his nose, and drug him on da ocean floor. Man, Slappy couldn't breath. Hell, Slappy didn't even know which way was up. YEA, SLAPPY HAVIN FUN NOW!! Slappy fought for da surface, and when he reached it, he sucked in dat wonderful, life giving air. WHOA!!

Slappy made it to shore feelin all mcdizzified, the board missin, and Slappy's head all dis...dis...dis...disconblobberated...add to that, Slappy got a knot on da
back of his head da size of a baseball. Slappy's day was done!

As Slappy lay on his back at da shoreline starin straight into da sky,
Slappy whispered to hisself, "Mother Glamis, Slappy love you so much..."

Hey Slappy, thats some funny stuff! Even better the second time around. Do you write at all? I mean syndicated stuff?

Yet another reason I like Sand and I like water but I don't like to mix the two!

Am I just wierd that way or what? I love swimming and I love playing in the sand, but mix the two together and my day always seems to go right down the drain.

The only beach I ever enjoyed was a sandless rock beach in Hawaii. Crystal clear water with no sand to blur it and nothing sticking to your wet skin when you come out. It was a dream come true, I could have spent the rest of my life there floating and watching the fish.

But I also love playing in the sand and Glamis does that for me without having to add water! Yeah, I've been in the dunes when it's raining and still had a good time, but give me nice dry sand to really make me happy!

Kind of like a toothpick in a washing machine huh? Been there done that. Never again. I stick to pools now!

That definitely be a McSlappified story! It's a reminder to all, just because there's sand at the beach, it doesn't make it Mother G. As a former beach lover, I can relate, but these days, if I have a free weekend, it's spent at the "real" sand, not the beach.
Doug

Another great story to start the day, thanks.
Does Slappy need a bigger helmet now!!!

I HAD A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE ONCE- EXCEPT I THOUGHT I KNEW WHICH WAY WAS UP AND BAMM I DID A FACE PLANT ON THE BOTTOM! WHEN I FINALLY GOT UP, AND GOT THE WATER OUT OF MY EYES, AND I COULD SEE AGAIN, SMACK A BOOGIE-BOARDER ON THE NEXT WAVE CRASHED RIGHT INTO ME! (AS IF I DIDN'T FEEL TORE-BACK ALREADY!)

I have been surfing most of my life and I feel for you Slappy. I think that fibreglass and skull are magneticly drawn towrds each other.