Joke of the day! (No Memes)

GLAMIS WEATHER
I used to think orthopedic shoes were overrated…
But I stand corrected.
 
JD: Do you know the difference between a Ceasar Salad and a BJ?
Hottie: No, what?
JD: Want to go to lunch?
 
Every morning I announce to my family that I’m going jogging…
Then I never go.
At this point, it’s basically a running joke.
 
I went to a party Saturday, and some hotty offered me grapes.
I said, "No thanks, I don't take my wine in pill form".
 
If my name was David and I had a son, I’d name him Harley.
That way he could introduce himself as
Harley, David’s son.
 
Doctor: So, JD, Are you taking the weight loss prescription I gave you?
.
JD: Well, it said take on an empty stomach, so, no, I've not had a chance.
 
JD: Hello miss, can I see the menu please?
.
Waitress: No, the men I please is none of your business.
 
Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.
I was like… well dam.
 
I was gonna tell a railroad joke…
But I lost my train of thought.
 
I just saw 2 snails fighting...
They were really slugging it out.
 
My friend with a stuttering problem just went to prison…
I’m afraid he may never finish his sentence.
 
A guy's is walking down the beach whe he sees a paraplegic woman crying in the sand. Feeling like he needs to do something, he stops and asks what's wrong. The lady says I'm so sad, I've never been kissed before, so being a gentleman, he leans down and kisses her on the cheek. As he walks away she cries again. This time he asks what's wrong, and she tells him that she's never been hugged. Not one to be unkind, he gladly gives her a hug. Now, as he is walking off the woman starts bawling. Obviously he has to see what's wrong, and the woman sobs "I've never been fucked before". So he picks here up, grabs her in his arms, and tosses her in the surf. There he says, now your fucked!
 
Did you hear about the bus full of Elvis impersonators that crashed on the way to Las Vegas?
Nobody was hurt, but they were all shook up.
 
How do you get a country girls attention?
A Tractor.
 
I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
 
There are 3 types of people in the world,
Those that can count and those that can't!
 
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
 
Why don't dinosaurs talk?
Because they're dead!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top