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Going under the knife.

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Posted (edited)

Good to see you're doing well!

After my last surgery, when they woke me up, the nurse asked me my name, I told her My name is Elmer J Fudd, I own a mansion and a yacht!  :lol:  She didn't get it, too young.

Edited by matt86m

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5 hours ago, matt86m said:

 I told her My name is Elmer J Fudd, I own a mansion and a yacht!  :lol:  She didn't get it, too young.

I don’t get it... 

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Looks like your spirits are up. Glad youre doing well and wish you a speedy recovery.  Got a joke for ya...

A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.

Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.

“Well”, said the teacher, “The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.”

 

I know, dumb, but thought you’d appreciate it.  Don’t eat too much jello. 

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Off GD for a couple days and come back and see this - Romans glad you made it buddy - speedy recovery!

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Now I'm reminded of the time my stepson went in for surgery.

Before I joined the  Navy, my stepson started hanging out with an idiot nicknamed "Boogie." One of those kids who is a walking disaster area. Every time he was around, someone else's car got wrecked or his group ended up in jail.

Then I got stationed to HI and I thought that was the last we'd ever see of Boogie. One night I had duty and when I got home the next morning, the kid was in bed and my "slower than average" wife told me he had fallen off a 3rd floor balcony and crushed both heels. A long time before, I told her that most Navy doctors were butchers. After all, if they were talented, they'd get out and make 4x more money if they weren't scared of malpractice lawsuits. The night before, she told the doctor he was a butcher and took the kid home. Like maybe we could do the surgery or something!

The problem was, it was Desert Storm, so all of the regular Army doctors at Tripler were deployed, and the reservist docs at Tripler were actually the good ones in private practice who got called up. We took the kid back to the doctor, who sarcastically asked if we had changed our minds about the butchers. I sheepishly told him that comment was meant for Navy docs who stayed in, afraid to practice medicine in  the real world and get sued for malpractice.

So the doc reserved the OR for early afternoon and told us not to feed the kid. I went back home for an hr and came back. The kid was in a room with another guy with the same injuries to his heels. The doc noted it was very unusual to get 2 such injuries at the same time. They then admitted they were wrestling around, which is how they broke the balcony railing and fell, together.

THEN the wife told me this was Boogie. Yes, the infamous walking disaster area had joined the Navy and fallen off of the balcony and was now missing an entire deployment due to his injuries. Taking my stepson with him. I got on the stepson's case about hanging out with Boogie, now you see what always happens, now you'll be off your feet for months and it's all due to him. The doc asks if he still hasn't eaten and he says his mom gave him a bag of M&Ms 20 minutes ago. The Dr. flies into a rage and wants to speak to us in the hall. He starts ranting about being called a butcher, now we've disobeyed his orders not to let the kid eat prior to surgery, WTF??? All I could tell him was, "Sorry, but this is a daily thing with my wife. People speak to her, she still has no clue. Welcome to a slice of my life."

He reschedules surgery for late at night and pointedly tells us he will have been up for about 28 hrs when he starts the surgery. The time finally comes for the surgery and the nurse comes in to verify he's the correct patient and correct procedure. She asks him his name, he tells her. She asks him what procedure he's there for and I tell her, "Sex change surgery!" She laughs and lifts up his sheet and says, "No, you definitely don't want to cut that off!" That's when my wife lost it and took a run at the nurse, screaming, "Don't you look at my son's junk!" I was laughing, the nurse was laughing, Jason turned red, then they wheeled him out.

Even after being up for over 28 hrs, the surgeon did an outstanding job of pulling out hundreds of bone fragments and screwing the bigger pieces back together. He showed me the X-ray and it looked good, albeit with a lot of screws and brackets. Afterwards, Jason and Boogie charmed all of the nurses in the wing and they were often all hanging out flirting with him and Boogie all day. They started doing wheelchair races with 2 nurses pushing each guy down the hall at crazy speeds. 

He ended up walking normally and surfing like he did before. He's about 45 now, probably doesn't think about it that much, but when he gets older and the arthritis kicks in, he'll think about it from time to time.

Later on, I got interviewed by NIS about the whole balcony incident. They were convinced that Boogie broke the railing on purpose and injured himself to get out of going on deployment. Their evidence was, this was the 3rd time he'd gotten injured and missed a deployment.  One time he "accidentally" shot himself in the foot just prior to deployment. They interviewed my stepson and he swore he knew nothing about it. I went and looked at the railing and it had been refurbished just a few months before, they must have hit it really hard in order to break it, as opposed to the old rotted out railings on the other buildings. They ended up not filing any charges against my stepson, but they gave Boogie NJP for intentionally injuring himself and missing ship's movement.

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20 hours ago, B0NES said:

Looks like your spirits are up. Glad youre doing well and wish you a speedy recovery.  Got a joke for ya...

A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.

Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.

“Well”, said the teacher, “The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.”

 

I know, dumb, but thought you’d appreciate it.  Don’t eat too much jello. 

Our while its running...

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Have fun messing with the nurses. DON~~~

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22 hours ago, B0NES said:

Looks like your spirits are up. Glad youre doing well and wish you a speedy recovery.  Got a joke for ya...

A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.

Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.

“Well”, said the teacher, “The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.”

 

I know, dumb, but thought you’d appreciate it.  Don’t eat too much jello. 

All most the same joke:

A Harley mechanic rebuilt the surgeons Harley motor and it was $1500. He ask the surgeon why when I get operated on it is $15000. or more, and the surgeon said try rebuilding my Harley motor while it is running, with out shutting it off. DON~~~

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Well made it home today.

Feel like I’ve been run over by a D8 but I’m on the mend. So far no pain meds post operation.

Can’t say enough great things about the hospital, staff, nurses, doctors, surgeon and even the food was above average!

Looking forward to some rest. I have only had about 7 hours of sleep in 3 days. Looking forward to sleeping a full night tonight.

 

Thanks to all for your well wishes. Definitely nice to read while recovering.

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I love the hospital doctors tells you to rest, then they wake you up every couple hours at night to take blood and every think else. DON~~~

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