Bobalos Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 This is for the one liners that your dad or grandpa (or whomever) used to say that would generally sum up the situation.. "you can never be a has been if you, are a never was". Hotter than a popcorn fart. He could screw up a wet dream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1HasBeen Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Useless as tits on a chicken. Handy as pockets in underwear. Can't never could. Do it right the first time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobalos Posted June 20 Author Share Posted June 20 Oh yea............. step dad #28 used to say, "use the proper tool for the proper job". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWB Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Dad: That was for nothing, wait till you do something. Usually right after smacking me upside the head Stepdad: Life is like an Indians left breast. It's not fare and it's not right 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Board Moderator Grease Monkey Posted June 20 Board Moderator Share Posted June 20 "I'll be right back! Need to shake hands with the unemployed" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KING OF GLAMIS Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 How the cow ate the cabbage 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moparman Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Meanwhile back at the ranch colder than a witches tit engage brain before engaging mouth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayClay Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 You want something to cry about? I should have pulled out. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Moderator ROBERT L Posted June 20 Forum Moderator Share Posted June 20 If you lost something it will be in the last place you look. Don’t let your Alligator mouth overload your Hummingbird ass. Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue horse Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 I'll knock you into next week if you do that again. I'll kick your ass until your nose bleeds boy. Those were said in fun usually, when he got quite and started to bow up, RUN! Miss him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cali kid Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Ass, gas, or grass… nobody rides for free. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of the Dunes Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 "You gotta be smarter than what you're working with." "Is it stupid, or are you stupid?" Mom used to whisper, "They will never find your body." "Don't hang out with liars or thieves. They can't help but lie and steal from you." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Moderator ChEFF Posted June 20 Forum Moderator Share Posted June 20 "Are you gonna be an idiot your whole life son?" Peace 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big_Daddy_Jp Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Hotter than a two peckered Billy goat Sweating more than a brat in church More scared than Mike Tyson in a spelling B You were found in a dumpster The only thing your mom was good at was blow jobs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big_Daddy_Jp Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Just now, Big_Daddy_Jp said: Hotter than a two peckered Billy goat Sweating more than a brat in church More scared than Mike Tyson in a spelling B You were found in a dumpster The only thing your mom was good at was blow jobs Brat equals W-H-O-R-E Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of the Dunes Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 (edited) The version I've heard was "busier than a two peckered billy goat." Edited June 21 by Lord of the Dunes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobalos Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 Busier than a one legged dude in an a.z.z kicking contest. Busier than a one and wall paper hanger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of the Dunes Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 My stepdad wasn't much for funny sayings. When I was about 9, he said, "The Navy ain't never done me no harm." I replied, "The least they could have done was teach you some grammar." My mom chuckled, I think I got about a month's restriction for that one. She agreed with me, but wouldn't override him. The rest of these are mom-isms. "If you hear a baby crying in a dumpster, do NOT rescue the baby. It will ruin your life, like you did mine." "I can't wait until you have children." "Oh, you want grandchildren?" "No, I just want you to go through what you put me through." "If you ever have children and expect me to watch them, I'm going to feed each of them 5 lbs of candy bars just before you pick them up." "I am Mother Nature. I made up all of the laws of nature. I control everything." "I have eyes in the back of my head. I have RADAR in my forehead. I can hear everything. I own all of the satellites. The CIA asks me what's happening. So don't even try anything." "Every stupid idea that pops into your head - I thought of and decided against it 25 yrs ago, so don't ever think you've discovered a new trick or something I don't know. I'm 25 yrs wiser than you." If all of your friends decided to jump off a bridge, would you follow them? If so, make sure it's a tall bridge and you die, because I'd rather you die than be as stupid as your friends." She was a lot of things. Judgmental, black/white, opinionated, unforgiving, demanding and relentless were 6 of them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of the Dunes Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 I once asked my mom if I could get a tattoo. She said, "No! A tattoo announces to the world you were once drunk and stupid, or marked as a slave." After about 5 seconds, my stepdad said, "HEY! I have tattoos!" Mom said, "I rest my case." I had to leave the room so he wouldn't hear me laughing, causing another month's restriction! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THD Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 "I never liked you when we were friends" "Here's a dime, go call someone who cares" "I saved your life today, I killed a chit eating dog" All in jest of course, he was a good dad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAN AM MIKE Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 From my Grandpa. A classic “I wouldn’t piss down his throat if his guts were on fire “ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkjuju Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 "Here's your box" unless your going to work hard you might as well figure out how to live in it now. He was also a high school science teacher, until retirement he spent his 20s-40s laying carpet, then learned about stocks and became a broker, he always went to college when he could. finally graduated 25+ years later /w bs at ASU and msc at Georgia state U before becoming a teacher (I think my dad went to 6+ universities throughout the west/south). He was pretty blunt with his students since be began teaching in his 50s. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hondajimz Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 (edited) If she had as many Dix sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine. (Had to get around the spelling sensor). Edited June 21 by Hondajimz 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zilla68 Posted June 22 Share Posted June 22 the one i remember the best was "hold the gawd dam flashlight still" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobalos Posted June 22 Author Share Posted June 22 45 minutes ago, zilla68 said: the one i remember the best was "hold the gawd dam flashlight still" Winner winner Chicken dinner 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.