Joke of the day! (No Memes)

I tapped my uber driver on the shoulder and he got so startled he started swerving all over the road, I said dang son why you so jumpy, he replied that for the last 20yrs he was driving a hearse
 
One Vagina lip says to the other.
.
.
What happened, we used to be so tight.
 
If you're attracted to both women and men but neither of them are attracted to you that means you are Bi-Yourself
 
we live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced so stupid people won't be offended.
 
I like my country like I like my tea… FULL OF ICE
 
If you "Teabag" someone with a nut allergy,
That's Attempted Murder.
 
What's the difference between a Walrus and a Lesbian?
.
.
.
One has a mustache, smells like fish and the other is a Walrus.
 
I always see more people walking into Walmart than out of Walmart.
But the meat is cheap so I don't ask questions.
 
The doctor said to me this morning, "I'd like to talk to you about your weight."
| said,”Well, it was about 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfy!!!"
 
You can’t keep getting mad at people for sucking the life out of you if you keep giving them the straw.
 
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