Joke of the day! (No Memes)

a sloth got robbed by three turtles, when the police showed up they asked what happened and the sloth replied IDK, it happened all too fast
 
Kale is so versatile... it literally fits into any size trash can.
 
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU BUY A BAG OF SALAD & IT GETS ALL BROWN & SOGGY?
COOKIES DON'T DO THAT
 
Tonight we are having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan in the road.
 
I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you"
I couldn't believe it,...You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.
 
Teacher: "Johnny, can you use the word "gruesome" in a sentence?"
Johnny: "Yes ma'am, I used to be shorter, then I gruesome."
 
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